Dmitry invited me to come with him to Vegas during CES/AVN. I could drive with him and stay in his room.

Alas, I declined. I had an important meeting in Irvine that conflicted.

Truth be told, I also wasn’t sure I wanted to go to Vegas.
I have been working on deconstructing my ego and embracing a less flashy me.
And Vegas is the land of the amplified Ego – where Halcyon Pink is much more at home than John Styn.

So I was somewhat relieved that I had a work conflict.

But not long after Dmitry arrived in Vegas, my meeting was canceled and my schedule became wide open. Too bad I missed my ride! Again, I was relieved.

But something was eating at me.

I had just told my Life Coach that I wanted to get out of the house more. I told him I would schedule weekend trips or mini adventures.
And here an adventures was practically pulling me into it and I was refusing.

I was a little down Wednesday night as I thought about the situation and my response.

I woke Thursday morning and remembered that my brother was flying to Vegas… later that day! Now the Flow was too strong to ignore.

Before long I was booking a seat on his plane and planning for him to pick me up on the way to the airport.

Talk about icing on the adventure cake! Spending a few hours with my brother?! With a 1 and 3 year old, solo time with my bro is pretty precious. How poetic that the journey was going to be as exciting than the destination.

I quickly packed and had an awesome travel afternoon with Jim. At the airport, I started to see people I knew from Adult Trade shows. I had an adult industry client and worked many events over the last decade. This was the first time I had been around that world since I left several years ago. And they all knew me as Halcyon Pink or “Hal.”

This muted version of myself was like being in disguise.

That night in Vegas we hit some non-adult CES events. We enjoyed the hospitality of my brother’s company and several other places for drinks and dancing. (Apparently much more of both than I remember.)

Friday was my “Float more, steer less” day.
So I slept in and stayed in the room until well past noon. A part of me worried if I would use “float more” as an excuse to “do nothing.” But I reminded myself that that would be okay, too. I brought good books and plenty of paper to write on.

But when Dmitry got a call and headed to the Venetian for a meeting, I hitched a ride in the cab.
I had a pass to CES, but the cab was going towards AVN.
I hung out in public areas and saw dozens of Adult celebs. Then I started to run into people I knew. Wonderful people I missed from the Adult internet industry. As each friend walked by, I would stop them for hugs, then ask if I could walk with them to wherever they were going. It was wonderful. Lots of hugs and reconnecting. And when there was no one around that I knew, I sat and watched. By dinnertime I felt exhausted and fulfilled from a day of floating.
Tonight, Dmitry and I struggled to make an evening plan. It is Porn Week in Vegas and there is lots going on. There is also a lot of pressure to make the most of it. We tried to figure out how many hours sleep we needed to be able to drive home safely in the morning. (We both have commitments in SD tomorrow.)
Eventually we decided to stay in. I texted people to let them know, and they were shocked.
I was having a hard time believing it, too.
I’ll admit the feeling that I should go out was strong. But to “psyche up” and make that happen would have qualified as “Steering more.”
Besides, I think it was Halcyon Pink that wanted to go out. And he wasn’t invited on this trip.

-John
Friday night, 12:30am Vegas, Trump Hotel rm 4519

Comments
  • Kat

    Funny to hear your story all this time later with your evolution. Honestly, I think that when you feel pressured to go to an event or do something, you are less likely to enjoy it if you do push yourself out there. I find with big events (burning Man is the only exception I can find), I am less inclined to attend because Im gonna have to fight for simple ammenities (standing in long lines to get in, dealing with overcrowded eateries, jostling aside more people to get from point A to point B).

  • Lynnivere

    Pure brilliance. Love that synchonicity of spirit!!

  • Toaster

    Damn, I saw you were in Vegas and immediately thought of inviting you to a Burner house party tonight… but you are alrady gone. Whether the Pink and Glam Halcyon or the guy in evolution (and on a couple video blogs I saw recently [Michelle Curiel reposted on facebook]) you seem like someone might be fun to hang out with. If in vegas look ups up… http://www.lvburners.com … anyway. Change and Evolution is is good… I am going through my own and appreciate your words. Will check in in the future. Toaser (aka Scott)

  • Halcyon

    Thanks. Toaster! Hope to hug you on the Playa.

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