I have been floating for most of 2008.
And although I did feel some anxiety without direction, I did better with the uncertainty than I ever have before.
Normally, in the absence of a strong beacon off in the future, I am tempted to go down well-worn mental roads towards despair.
“My best is behind me.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I lack purpose.”
But this year, the temptation to backslide was not so strong.
Partially because I remembered that, a year before, I felt lost, too.
Then the HugMobile idea hit. And the divine unfolding of that adventure was the most dramatic demonstration of serendipity and universal flow I’ve ever experienced.
So, at least, intellectually, I know that patience and stillness can yield magical fruits.
But I was still tempted to skip SXSW this year because I felt unworthy. “I’m no longer on the digital frontier. I no longer lead.”
But I remembered the feelings of a year before.
So I summoned the courage to be meek.
And I tried to focus on listening.
(Well, I tried.)
And while I may have missed the meek mark, I did find significant inspiration at SXSW. I got some clarity for a presentation/one man show/tent-revival. I started to brainstorm a traveling multimedia love revolution.
And just like that, a new north star was shining in my spiritual sky. A light to paddle towards as I work to re-find the cosmic current.
Alas, as soon as I got home, I got offered a huge corporate video gig.
Huge for me, at least. Enough for me to justify ordering equipment and hiring staff. The project was well outside my comfort zone. But obviously a great opportunity for me.
What to do?
Turn down the gig and paddle towards the North Star?
I decided to take the job.
It felt right.
It felt, not like a diversion, but a training.
Kinda like the old joke about the man on the roof during a flood. He turns down rescue boat after rescue boat that comes to save him, saying, “No thank you. God will save me.”
The water rises and rises. And eventually he dies.
At the pearly gates God says, “What the hell is wrong with you!? I sent you 3 boats!!”
I see this project as a raft. Even if it doesn’t carry me to my final destination, it prepares me for the journey.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my current situation of doing everything myself. And I think I’ve managed to produce some pretty good stuff for a self-trained dabbler.
But if I could learn how to utilize and manage resources to create truly professional products, that could be incredible!
Stressful and scary…but incredible.
I had a pre-production meeting today with my Videographer /assistant editor.
I’ve never been to a pre-production meeting.
I’ve never had a videographer.
I was quickly submerged in a world of equipment, guidelines, and technology that I had never been exposed to before.
Part of me was terrified. Another part of me was thrilled.
I don’t *have* to learn how to use all these things. I don’t have to remember all these guidelines.
I just have to learn how to manage talented people.
Vision + Money + talented people = MASSIVE POTENTIAL
This may seem common sense to you. And intellectually, it is to me, too.
But it feels different to me now.
I have a different courage and confidence.
I can do this. With help.
And if I can do this with help… that means “we” can do a whole lot more.
Turning the “Me” into “We” seems to be a common theme for me lately.
Spiritually, creatively, and professionally.
So even though I am paddling hard right now, it doesn’t feel like it is against the current.
Maybe because it doesn’t feel like I’m doing it alone.